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i never thought he could be mine ^_^

5:39 AM | Labels: , , ,

hey guys... !!! i thought of posting and sharing my story .. it's about online dating and how i meet him.. yeah, some said its not true but for people who are inlove like us .. yes we find ways to be together.. and we did it.. and i believed that Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is all depends to both of you... if both really want to be together but if only one person wants it , then it shouldn't work.. remember it takes two to tango...
okey .. enough of those here is my story...


September 19, 2013 ...

i met this guy and we starts talking through facebook comments after a long convo of exchanging comments..


he added me to be his friend and there it all started on private messaging... and from that onward, we never stop talking like random topic, life who he was and now.. his out and about , it's all detailed... then after a week of talking he seems  to like me and i don't know why, but at first he was like i believed guys gets intimidated in you...  i was like huh? how come then he explain... i don't know... maybe that's his way to get my attention. Yet, he said, even if i get intimidated i will still pursue my intention. and i was like huh? are you serious? because , all my life i never chat as serious as him and some random serious topics...but since he told me , all about him, past and present ...so, yeah.. he got my attention and note his life was so interesting if you knew him ;) ... after few days he was like telling these words, that... he like me and he thinks... he was falling and that i have no clue how... anyways, since i'm not that kinda of person delaying things, if i like... i do like... if not... i tell them straight .. that's it so September 29, 2013 was our first day as being in-relationship .. so we planned and talked that one should visit  ... or we both go back to our country and meet up ..yet , i told him , i'll try to apply a visa then if it is rejected ... maybe that's the time we decide ... eventually , first application was rejected but yet i tried again and finally was granted ..!!!..so, we planned when i should fly .. and we decided to be on 17th December 2013... and the rest are all history... hihihi...

by the way.. meeting him was so great like you never thought you both see each other , touch, hug, kiss and etc... like all the fantasies , you both been talking while being apart.. and that day was so amazing and i couldn't ask for more.. yeah.. i stayed for about 3 weeks and was so bliss to be with him ...

...TO BE CONTINUED.....  

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5 Benefits Of Having A Friend With Benefits

12:40 AM | Labels: , , , ,





5 Benefits Of Having A Friend With Benefits

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Do you believe that "friends with benefits" is purely no-strings sex? Do you consider it a phase that some women go through when they're young, purposely avoiding a committed relationship?
Some of us believe that friends with benefits can be mutually enjoyable and perfectly suited to our needs -- not just when we're very young, and not as a matter of explicitly avoiding commitment.
In fact, it seems to me that friends with benefits gets a bad rap, as if women aren’t supposed to feel desire (in general) or lust (in particular) -- especially once they become mothers, or if they're "of a certain age."
Many of the women I know have had a friend with benefits at some point, and in my book, there’s no better time than in the transitional months or years that may follow your divorce.
Here are the top five benefits of having a friend with benefits.
1. You have a friend -- and friendship matters.
Let’s start with the first word in that phrase. Friend!
Whether it's been five months or five years since your breakup or last relationship, don’t we all need a friend, especially if we’re going through tremendous change? Don’t we need someone we can trust, confide in, escape with, laugh with? Someone we can play with? Don’t most heterosexual women enjoy the chemistry that floats in the air when exchanging banter with a friend of the opposite sex?
A friend with benefits is someone you're attracted to, generally someone you like, and someone you enjoy having sex with. He may have started out as a friend and the magic isn't there, but you have a great time together -- especially in bed.
2. Sex has its perks.
Now let’s talk about the benefits of those “benefits” -- as if you don't already know.
Who doesn't feel glorious when the sex between you and your partner is fantastic?
When we’re putting the pieces back together after a divorce, isn’t discovery of our newly single sexual self part of the process? Don’t we want to enjoy the flirtation, the fantasy, the sensation and the sense of well-being that comes from sexual foreplay and sex itself? Who doesn't love the jolt of energy, the boost to mood, the sparkle of feeling fully alive that comes from great sex?
And don’t we feel reassured when we re-engage with our sexual selves after divorce or a tough breakup?
3. You can (and should!) practice safe sex.
In my opinion, especially as a mother, if you’re looking for sex but not in a position to pursue something more, whatever exploration you undertake, you owe it to your kids (and of course yourself) to do it safely. And remember -- a friend with benefits is not a one-night stand and he is not a stranger. He is a partner -- of a specific sort.
And while we’re on the safe sex subject –- friend with benefits or not –- don’t forget the condoms, do protect your privacy, and don't make your ex the "friend" with benefits!
4. It's a good way to experiment.
Some women hesitate to give voice to their sexual fantasies. It's a matter of how we're socialized, and more's the pity.

One of the advantages of a friend with benefits is freedom from overly romantic attachments. In other words, try out something new! For some women, there's less worry about what a friend with benefits may think as compared to someone we view as a potential life partner. That may mean greater freedom to discuss our fantasies -- or entertain them.
So why not experiment with your special friend, if the thought appeals to you?
5. Freedom!
In the years after divorce -– whether we have chosen it or not -– freedom comes with benefits of its own.
I believe we owe it to ourselves to take the time to heal, to discover how we may have evolved both during and after marriage, and to explore possible partners with whom we might want to enjoy a relationship.
Some may view a friend with benefits as "no strings attached" sex. Others may view it as great sex with enough emotional connection to feel at ease, without transforming the relationship into something that it isn't. If it no longer suits you after a few months? Move on. But do remember that exclusivity is not necessarily part of the arrangement. You have your freedom, and he has his.
Who shouldn’t pursue friends with benefits?
Since friends with benefits are not necessarily exclusive, that means recognizing that he may fall for someone else, or you may. In that case, it's “ciao” to the benefits.
Beyond the exclusivity issue, friends with benefits is not a relationship configuration that can work for everyone.
  • Do you tend to be jealous?
  • Do you always associate sex with love?
  • Do you fall head over heels for good sexual partners?
  • Does he have romantic feelings for you, whether you reciprocate or not?
If any of the above is true, steer clear of this form of sexual recreation.
I admit that I was a fan of the friends with benefits model from an early age. I love being in love, but that sort of attachment doesn't come around every day. Friends with benefits -- in my life -- was just right, several times.
There are additional advantages; you may no longer be seeking a permanent partner. You may be content with your family status as is, but remain interested in enjoying a sex life. And for the busy single mom who is raising children, holding down a job, and doing the work of reinvention -- whether the transition after divorce lasts six months or six years –- a friend with benefits can be comfortable, satisfying, and fun.


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5 Signs Your New Guy is Crazy About You

12:28 AM | Labels: , ,

By: Lizzy
When I started dating again after my marriage ended, it was exhilarating. To me, jumping back in meant hope—hope that I could find someone fabulous. Hope for something better. Hope is powerful. Hope is good and new and fresh.
But that didn’t mean it was easy. I quickly discovered that I needed a big refresher course. I had forgotten how to date. I had to relearn dating etiquette and how to communicate. Even though I had dated a lot before I got married, it was amazing how much of a newbie I was this time around.
Case in point… The first guy I went out with more than a few times started exhibiting really bizarre stalker-like behavior. I think that I inadvertently led him to believe that I liked him way more than I did. And somehow he thought that we had a committed relationship. It was a mess and kind of alarming. I set him straight on how I felt in a really poor way. Oops. That wasn’t right but I had good intentions. Still, I would have hated to be on the receiving end of that.
And as I talked to friends who were also dating, I soon discovered that the Million Dollar Question was “How can one tell if he really likes me?” I think I’ve boiled it down to these five behaviors that will tell us everything we need to know. If he’s really “into” you, look for these signs:
  1. He calls or texts you. Often. I don’t care how busy he is, he’ll find a way to be in contact with you every single day. Probably several times a day. Think about the busiest times of your life. If you’ve really liked a guy, you’ve found time to send a text off. I remember being so busy at work that I thought my head was going to explode. I sent a text off to my boyfriend in the bathroom stall. It took about four seconds. If a guy likes you a lot, all you need to do is look at your phone. If he goes silent for a few days, there’s a reason why. He’s not that into you. It sucks but there you have it. Don’t respond by calling and texting. If you do, you’ll just be that annoying psycho girl who won’t leave him alone. One call or text and if he doesn’t respond soon, it’s time to move on.
  2. He lets you into his inner circle. If you’ve been dating for several weeks and you have yet to meet anyone he knows, there’s a problem. If he has young children, that’s the exception in my book. It took me two months before I let my boyfriend meet my children. That said, if he’s going out of his way to hide you from anyone who knows him, you’re not a keeper. In fact, you’re probably not that important to him either. The reasons why are irrelevant so don’t spend too much time lamenting over it. It’s a bummer but it’s time to move on.
  3. He dates you. If your “dates” have become late nighters that include some TV time and sex and that’s about it, you’ve become a “friend with benefits.” And if you’ve started sleeping with your guy before you’re sure that you’re both really into each other, you’ve made a big huge mistake and it’s likely not be fixable. Lesson learned. A guy who really likes you wants to go out and show you off. He wants to get to know you and have fun with you. That can include the late nighters and (hopefully) great sex but it certainly won’t be limited to that if he’s really into you.
  4. He’s affectionate in public. If he hesitates to hold your hand, snuggle up, or kiss you when anyone can see, you’re in trouble. A guy who’s really into you wants everyone to know that you two are together. If he doesn’t, you need to really question your physical chemistry or his intentions. And besides, don’t you want to be with a guy who can’t keep his hands off of you? I do! Set your sights high and don’t settle for less.
  5. He’s “simple” when it comes to you. If he’s constantly explaining why his life is complicated, that he hasn’t gotten over his last girlfriend (or wife), or that he isn’t sure he’s ready for a commitment, move on! Like immediately. It’s amazing how uncomplicated things are when you’re really into someone. All those trust issues and yearning for the ex simply vanish when you’ve found someone special. Think about it. When you’ve found a guy you’re crazy about, you just want to be with him. Work, ex’es, broken hearts, whatever… they might all exist but the guy you really dig trumps all. It really is that simple. If he’s telling you that he’d like you two to be friends (with some sex thrown in) and see where things go someday, know that you’ll never move past a “friends with benefits” status (or, worse, just a sex buddy). If he tells you that he isn’t ready for a commitment, then that means that he’s not going to commit to you. It sucks but that’s your reality. Move on. Find someone who wants what you do. Find someone who thinks you’re amazing and don’t compromise.
Dating can be fun. And heartbreaking. And frustrating. And awesome. And everything in between. But the worse part about dating is wondering and wasting time on a relationship headed for nowhere. Finding a guy who likes you as much as you like him gives you the best odds possible in finding love. And that’s the best part about exiting a bad marriage and dating again.

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8 Refreshing Summer Drinks

12:15 AM | Labels: , ,



8 Refreshing Summer Drinks
Nothing says summer better than an afternoon spent lounging by the pool, icy-cool beverage in hand. The problem is that many of our favorite refreshing summer drinks are loaded with sugars, and that just isn’t what our summer bikini bod needs. This summer, you can be guilt-free as you tip back a cold one because we’ve come up with 8 refreshing drinks that are not only delicious, but low-calorie and nutritious, too!

Here are 8 Refreshing Summer Drinks:
1. Orange Pomegranate Green Tea
This Skinnylicious summer beverage takes only minutes to make and contains just 112 calories per 12 ounce serving!
Our Sparkling Lime Mint Quencher tastes just like a mojito, but without the body-bulging extra calories. Plus, limes are superfoods! Learn what limes can do for your health here.
This ain’t your grandma’s high-sugar lemonade, but we bet you that you’ll love it just as much.
Forget Gatorade. This electrolyte-rich drink is 100% natural and perfect for staying hydrated during summer workouts.
Have summer barbecues left you feeling a little full around the middle? These healthy drinks can help you flush fat and get back on track!
What’s better than a refreshing summer beverage that is great for your health, too?! This recipe only takes 2 minutes to make and features one of nature’s superfoods, the pomegranate.
Watermelon is a perfect summertime fruit, and this delicious watermelon-themed drink has no sugar added!
This tasty summer concoction is the perfect choice for beet lovers.
We, at Skinny Ms., love reinventing traditional recipes to make them healthier, so we’ve taken this southern favorite, “skinnied” it down, and made sure that it still hits the spot!
Kick soda to the curb this summer and take our No Soda Challenge. Here are 4 Healthy Alternatives to Soda to get you started.

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Apple Cider Vinegar & its Magical Benefits

12:12 AM | Labels: ,

Apple Cider Vinegar & its Magical Benefits
Apple cider vinegar -- particularly the raw, organic, unfiltered kind -- is one of those undiscovered natural remedies. Some people call it magical, and say that regularly incorporating a small amount of the vinegar into your diet can result in copious health and beauty benefits. Some also use it topically on their skin to reap its benefits.

As apple cider vinegar is a natural substance, many feel better about ingesting it than manufactured chemicals, but of course, it must be done in moderation. While ACV has great benefits, it is an acid -- all vinegars are. Consume no more than a few teaspoons per day, and never drink it without diluting it with water or juice.

Here are some of the beauty benefits we've found:
  • Clear skin problems and stop acne. The acidity in the vinegar will dry out the blemish allowing new, healthy skin to take its place.
  • Regulate the pH of your face: mix 1 part ACV with 2 parts water and use as a toner using a cotton ball and lightly blotting around t-zone (forehead, nose, and chin).
  • Soothe a sunburn: add 1 cup ACV to your bath, and soak for 10 minutes
  • Give your hair body and shine: after you shampoo, apply 1/2 tablespoon ACV mixed with 1 cup of water, then rinse.
  • Encourage hair growth: ACV will stimulate hair follicles, and can also treat dandruff and an itchy scalp.
  • Give yourself an at-home pedicure by soaking your feet in equal parts warm water and ACV. Its anti-fungal properties will keep your feet healthy, soft, and clean.
  • Help with varicose veins because of its high levels of vitamins, which will work to deter and reduce the veins
  • Target age spots: mix 1 tablespoon orange juice with 2 tablespoons ACV to fade age spots

In addition, ACV has many health benefits since it's high in potassium and malic acid. It can also:
  • Lower cholesterol and blood pressure
  • Stop heartburn
  • Promote proper digestion
  • Control weight by breaking down fats so that your body can use them, rather than store them
  • Regulates blood sugar (key for those with Diabetes), as it will lower glucose levels in your blood
  • Fights sinus infections and sore throats by breaking down mucous
Most strive for these benefits by consuming a little bit of Apple Cider Vinegar each day. Many create drinks with it -- it is not advised to drink it alone -- again, we suggest combining the vinegar with water or juice. We've also heard of a sweetened version: with about a cup and a half of water, 2 tablespoons ACV, a splash of apple juice and honey to taste. Others use it in homemade salad dressings.

Apple cider vinegar has a potent odor, but if you can find a way to eat or drink it that you like, you'll likely see some of the benefits we've described above. If you have one of the more severe ailments it is said to help (such as diabetes, high blood pressure or high cholesterol) we'd recommend speaking with your doctor before partaking.

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You’re Sexy and You Know It!

9:47 PM | Labels: , ,


A few weeks ago I shared Finding Your Inner Sex Goddess.  We talked about our sensuality and using all of our senses to feel sexy again.  Consider this to be Part II of that post because you’re sexy and you know it!  

I recently read on Huffington Post that women are happier and feel sexier after divorce.  The post begins with “There is something amazing and magical that happens when women divorce. They get beautiful. And they get horny.”  I guess it’s something about leaving stale marital sex behind.  Someone told me they compared their marital sex life to a bad one night stand.  “Sorry, I couldn’t last…”  Well, no reason now to put up with that kind of sex.  

Below are some tips to get you going if your libido is on low drive:

Check out some erotic films: A couple of suggestions… 9 1/2 Weeks Mickey Rourke & Kim Basinger and Sex, Lies and Videotape with James Spader, Andie MacDowall are both good films to start with.

Invest is a few sex toys: After you indulge in some visual eroticism, make sure you have a trusted toy.  If you’re not having fun with yourself then how is someone else going to?   Don’t be shy.  Post divorce is a great time to experiment not just with others but…well you get the idea.  

If you don’t have a toy, get out there to the sex shops maybe with a friend.  It’s a fun time and the people who work at these places are very helpful and non judgmental.  I personally love the Kama Sutra products.  
Their massage oils are edible and they come in delicious flavors (chocolate cinnamon anyone?).  Anything you can think of you will find there.

Talk about sex: I’m no expert on this but I believe the dating process should include talking about sex.  Why not? Instead of bitching about your ex on your date, try asking a few questions about his sex interests and experiences…it may reveal your compatibility in the bedroom before hopping in the sack.

Take yourself a lover: What were some of your hang ups during your marriage?  Were there some things you wanted to try but were too self conscious to ask for?  Finding yourself a lover you can be open with will change your sexual experience.  No more bad ‘one night stand’ sex.  

Be nice to yourself:  Many women, myself included check ourselves in the mirror while getting dressed and find flaws or tell ourselves we need to lose weight.  I challenge you (and me) to give a compliment every time we catch a glimpse of our naked bodies while dressing.  

See if you can do this for a month straight and if it improves how you feel about your body.  We have to work with what we’re given and we should make the most of it.  We are imperfect and that is what makes us interesting.  Praise instead of criticism will help you feel sexual.  

I’m guilty of this too. Did you know that when I started this blog and the social media, I hated all pictures of myself?  I need to take my own challenge!  It’s time to be a sex goddess…

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The Letter I Wrote And Never Sent-To My Ex

9:45 PM | Labels: , , , ,

By Lisa Thomson
After about six months of separation between us, I sat down and penned an angry letter to my husband.   All the anger and resentment I had inside me came out as blue ink on lined paper. All the silence and smiles of 18 years bubbled to the surface in a fury unrecognizable in me.
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State of Affairs…

My ex told me I was a lying bitch. He told me I was selfish. He called me one evening while away with his buddies on a golf trip. I could hear all the male voices in the background blurring into a static of bitter mocking. I had become a joke. Even though I was friends with some of these men during my marriage, now I was merely another ex wife, code: Bitch.
Also, I was told by my sister, I had broken my promise to remain friends with my husband. In her eyes, it was my fault that we were no longer friends. My daughter also made her opinion known on the matter in stating that I had ‘broken my promise to be friends with dad’. The fact is, the friendship ended with the marriage, regardless of the children we shared. No one was more disappointed than I was about this failure.
Was it my fault?
“You’ve changed” They Said…
‘I don’t know you anymore’ my sister said. ‘You’ve changed’ she said.
‘Mom, you’re different’ my children stated.
When I asked them how, they said 'You talk more'. After giving it much thought, I realized that because their father was so dominant in the household, I had become meek and that was how my children knew me. I explained to them, sometimes when you’re with a dominant personality, you fade into the background. You don’t get heard because you’re constantly being drowned out by the louder personality in a relationship.
Case in point, an acquaintance of mine had two dogs that were littermates as family pets. For years one dog dominated the other even trying to take his treats after he had eaten his own. When the dominant dog died it was only a matter of days before the quiet one came right out of his shell. He was more vocal and affectionate. While he was once nearly invisible, now his personality was able to shine through without being overshadowed. I was astounded to see the change. Now, it would seem people were astounded to see the changes in me. I just compared myself to a dog…I know, I’m not too proud.
The fact is I had to be stronger. I had to set boundaries. I had to maintain my household on my own terms with as much discipline, love and responsibility as I could muster. So, they were right. Divorce changed me. 
I wasn’t taking anyone’s shit anymore.
The Letter…
Everyone’s unfavorable reaction to the divorce combined with the years of marital dissatisfactionhad finally imploded in me. Where I had expected support, I was challenged and judged. Where I had expected mutual consideration I was being treated as a doormat.
So, I wrote a letter I would never send. My intention was to release this unrecognizable fury. Who had I become? Was I a bitch? Was I as horrible as they all said?
The truth is my anger was directed at my husband. I was furious for everything I thought he failed at, beginning with the blasé marriage proposal. The casual way in which he said ‘Maybe we should get married’ smacked of insincerity now that the marriage had indeed failed. I never had a romantic proposal story to tell friends or my children. I felt robbed. That was only the beginning. I can’t rehash here what my grievances were. Suffice it to say that I felt cheated and used.
The Epiphany…
Putting this all down on paper helped me not only vent but to pinpoint the issues. It also helped me to realize things were NOT all my fault. The finger pointing, blaming and judging were only ways for people to excuse their own behavior. I learned that my anger was not solely for my husband but directed at some of the people outside the marriage but very much inside our lives. I admitted, the lack of support and judgment really hurt me. Being blamed and judged by people you thought you could count on, is a true wake up call.
I felt an incredible sense of relief once the letter was finished and signed ‘Your Loving Ex Wife’. A few years later I found it, reread it and realized how far I had come. My anger although still brewing some days, had mostly dissipated. I had an epiphany of sorts. I realized that some of that anger was at my own self…
I was actually angry at myself for accepting the status quo and continuing to accept situations that were making me unhappy both during the marriage and after.
Now it was time to burn the letter. I crumpled it up in a ball, went out the back door to the cement patio. I lit the sucker on fire and threw it to the ground with a smile. Good bye I said to myself. It’s over.
The Take Away…
Anger is an essential part of the grieving process which is all inclusive with divorce. Learning how to deal with our anger in a healthy way can really help us get through the process with our sanity intact. There is no need to suppress it but at the same time we don’t want to explode on those we love. Writing a letter or in a journal allows us to set it free without risking those relationships (such as they are). Write a letter you’ll never send and you might be surprised at what and who you’re angry at.
How do you deal with anger? Did you ever write a letter with no intention of sending it? Did anyone accuse you of changing or breaking promises?
Leave a comment, I LOVE 'em!

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Sexless Marriage: When a Man Doesn’t Make Love to a Wife

9:29 PM | Labels: , , ,


Are you in a sexless marriage? 

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Do you often get rejected by your husband? 

If you are, you have plenty of empathy from me.  It is unhealthy physically to be in a sexless marriage, never mind the emotional toll it takes.  Your self esteem takes a beating over the years of neglect. 
Unfortunately, this is a topic that often goes unaddressed.  I guess it’s still taboo.  Also, most women would have you believe their husband wants it all the time and they can’t keep up with his voracious appetite.  This may be true in some cases but not in as many as they would have us believe. 

So, if you feel ashamed of the fact that your marriage is so far from this stereotype that you’ve forgotten what it feels like to be touched intimately, know that you’re not alone.  With the children and their needs and demands, it’s easier to let it slide then to question what could be wrong. 

But wrong it is. 

If you are suffering this kind of neglect I recommend you address it immediately.  Nothing says dying marriage louder than “lack of sex”.
Is it time to raise the white flag?

I was in a sexless relationship and began to feel ugly.  I thought there was something unappealing about me.
I’m not a nympho by any stretch, but a normal, healthy woman. 

However, instead of flourishing in my sexual peak, I was wilting away.  It didn’t matter how many expensive haircuts, or how beautiful my clothes, I was not sexually desired by my partner.  I can hardly think of anything crueler in a relationship.

I was recently thinking about a trip we took to Italy several years before our separation.  I think we were together around 12 years at the time.  Some of our close friends had invited us to join them on a cruise of the Amalfi Coast, undoubtedly one of the most beautiful cities in the whole world. 

Well, I can tell you we didn’t have sex once on that trip.  He flew me half way around the world to neglect me in every way possible.  Even emotionally. I don’t recall sharing an intimate moment with him. 
One beautiful day we boarded one of those tour buses to take us all up to the ruins of Pompeii, an incredible historical site.  But when we got on the bus, he continued to walk past me to the back, leaving me to sit alone.  When I looked around, all the couples sat together quietly talking.  The neglect was poignant being that it was conducted amidst the most romantic countryside in the world.

When I think about being in Italy all those years ago, I think of myself as the Lady in the Yellow Dress.  Because I have a picture of myself standing on the famous bridge over the Tiber River wearing one of my favorite dresses a soft yellow, linen shift dress.  I didn’t realize at that moment how beautiful I really was.  Only now, when I see that picture do I realize my own lost beauty and the shame and waste I allowed by staying in a sexless, loveless relationship.

Where was Ray Drecker when I needed him?  The HBO series “Hung” about a hot and sweet male escort, who always pleases his clients, makes me re-think the stigma attached with paid escorts.


Today, I can be in sweatpants and a t-shirt and feel beautiful.  Even if I could afford the beautiful clothes I bought for that cruise, I don’t need them to incite desire from my partner.  In a sexually healthy relationship, you feel validated.  You feel beautiful and wanted.  It is a gift your partner gives you.  When intimacy is strong in a relationship, everything else will fall into place.

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The 2 Simple Rules That Will Save All Of Your Future Relationships

12:31 AM | Labels:



The 2 Simple Rules That Will Save All Of Your Future Relationships
  •

Ladies,


Sometimes we just need to learn how to say, “You’re an assh*le. Goodbye. I do not wish you all the best, I do not hope you do well and I never want to see you again for as long as I live.”

This is a lesson I’ve recently learned, and it is not an easy one. No one wants to be the bad guy and no one wants to look like an insane bitch. But at all times, every situation deserves an admission of true feelings in honesty. Your integrity is all you have!
Rule #1: DO NOT PRETEND
It is important to release any negative feelings you may be harboring. It is unhealthy. Do not lie to yourself — you have them, in abundance. He did you dirty. Possibly in a number of ways, he didn’t meet your expectations, however insane he said they were. Release the negativity into the atmosphere; completely let it go so you can move on. That’s the truth. You may not actually wish him to be maimed in reality, but in the moment, it is what it is.

It is a feeling, not a prayer or a gesture. So let it out — it’s over anyway. Who cares what he thinks of you? His opinions of you are neither your concern nor your business any longer. The bridge has already been incinerated. So learn to tell him to go f*ck himself; that’s likely what he’ll have to do for the next little while before he gets the chance to shack up with the next poor little dove to fall prey to his insidious behavior anyway. Cry. Scream. Swear. Let out whatever negativity exists — do not lament over it.

We cannot be perfect people. It’s an unrealistic goal. Admit your feelings — however unrealistic or childish they may be. A part of maturing is being able to recognize the negative feelings and what caused them so that hopefully, there isn’t a “next time.” The difficulty is not only in the admittance, but in the letting go as well.

Fine, don’t wish him well. Wish him unhappiness if that is what you feel. But once you’ve let it out, you have to let it go. Hanging on to any residual hurt, shame, anger or animosity just prevents you from being able to move on. Think about it. If your glass is filled up with negative juice, you’ll have no space to let in the positive juice. And if you try and let go of half the negative and pour in some positive, things just become a cloudy and confusing mess. So, let it all go. Invite the positivity back. Indifference will follow.
Rule #2: KNOW YOUR WORTH
This is key — I could write an entire novel on this one. Once you understand your self-worth, I guarantee it will be easier for you to navigate through all of your relationships. Know who you are and what you will — and won’t — accept from a lover. Yes, it is still fair to feel slighted if he comes up short, but be proud when you can walk away from something that is outside of what you deserve. You deserve respect. You deserve honesty. You deserve kindness.

Do not settle for anything less than what you deserve. It never works out. A piece of advice: when you meet a person, he or she already is who he or she is. Accept and understand that you cannot change people. All you can do is see whether or not they fit into your paradigm of a happy future.

Also remember that you get back what you put in. Part of knowing your worth is doing some personal inventory. You need to understand where you need growth. Don’t expect him to be faithful if you’re in the club, accepting numbers from every cute guy who introduces himself.

That being said, when it’s over, it’s over. Accept the situation for what it is (or was) and then, for all intents and purposes, LET. IT.GO. Learn from the situation and make better choices for next time.


Photo via We Heart It

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An Open Letter To My Ex: How A Best Friend Becomes A Stranger

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An Open Letter To My Ex: How A Best Friend Becomes A Stranger

  •

Hey there, stranger.

It’s been a very long time, which I’m sure you’re aware of. I’d like to say that it was your decision alone to keep this distance, but I think we both know it was for the best. I’d like to say that I’m glad you are well, but as we both know I have absolutely no idea how you are. The one thing that can definitely be said is that when we cut ties, we leave no strand behind, but slice right through until we no longer remember how to find each other. It’s amazing to think that once we were inseparable, the best of friends.

You knew me inside and out, and I, you. We were there for each other in the best of times and through the most difficult of times. We definitely managed to put each other through hell on occasion, but when support was needed the most, support was given. Until, of course, that final day. I sometimes find myself wondering why we couldn’t stay in touch. Would it be so bad if we got together for coffee from time to time? Or if we gave each other a ring to see how the other was doing?

Using the phone to make calls has become archaic, but surely we could send a text to wish each other a happy birthday? Or a happy New Year? I mean, we’ve been through so much. You are a part of my life and there is nothing I can do to ever change that.

You can’t be forgotten because forgetting you would be like forgetting myself — impossible. But then again, maybe you are right. Maybe we are better off as far apart as possible. We know we aren’t right for each other. We know it would never work, and we know the friendship we have — we had — created a bond that would make slipping back into romance too easy. It would make repeating the same mistakes too likely, repeating the same heartbreak certain. That’s what it really comes down to: It’s not my heart that I’m worried about, but yours. Breaking my own heart would be my responsibility to bear, but I can’t once again be responsible for breaking yours.

So all that I can do is wish you the best. Wish you a great, bright, loving future. Wish you to find the lover of your dreams and to create a lifetime of your fantasies. I wish for you to find a friend as great as me, but a much better partner. One who won’t drag you through the mud. One who you won’t feel the need to bury with guilt. I wish you all the best and although you will never read this, although we will never speak to each other again, and although you are out of my life forever, I wish you nothing short of happiness.

Never again to be yours,

Your Lost Best Friend

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